Saturday, November 21, 2009

plus 4, Boyfriend seems 'duhstruck' by her cancer diagnosis - Danbury News-Times

Sponsored Links

plus 4, Boyfriend seems 'duhstruck' by her cancer diagnosis - Danbury News-Times

Boyfriend seems 'duhstruck' by her cancer diagnosis - Danbury News-Times

Posted: 20 Nov 2009 03:27 PM PST

Dear Carolyn:

A month ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Beyond the obvious fears, I was afraid my new boyfriend's feelings for me would change, what with the impact of chemo and then surgery. We'd been dating only two months when I was diagnosed.

Now that I've begun treatment, I find that my feelings toward him have changed, partly because he doesn't seem sensitive to what I'm going through. In our first conversation after I told him of the diagnosis, he talked for 20 minutes about his job, trivial (in my mind) conversations with co-workers and ongoing family dramas, before coming up for air to ask how I was doing. Is that normal?

The one conversation I can't forget was his saying that if he thought I wasn't going to make it, he wouldn't be sticking around. Ouch -- he apologized when he realized what he'd said, but the words just hung there.

Whatever feelings I was developing seem to have evaporated, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting and should give it some time. He generally lacks self-awareness when dealing with other people. That is now a source of frustration for me, where before it didn't bother me.

-- Cancer or Boyfriend?

I'd say your boyfriend was dumbstruck by your news, but instead of "made speechless by shock," we really need "rendered moronic by shock." Duhstruck.

Is this normal? Sure. Most people struggle to form the right responses to "I have cancer," and some take the extra step of blurting out the wrong ones. His fumbles are even less surprising when you factor in both his social awkwardness, and his abrupt emotional promotion: Yesterday "Thai or Chinese?"; today "How can I support you as you fight for your life (even though I have yet to determine how I feel about you)?" His isn't the only predictable reaction. You, too, are responding to your cancer in a normal way. Life-and-death news is a tornado that picks up your life, shakes it, and drops it on a hill a few hundred feet away.

Things you thought would break are intact, things you thought were permanent are shattered, and the light hits virtually everything in a new and surprising way.

There's nothing wrong with assuming a post-tornado attitude from here on out. If it seems trivial, then ignore it. If it seems important, then it is. Your primary question is and should be: "Does this help?" Your primary job is to concentrate your energy only on what helps.

So it's OK to ask yourself "Does he help?" and break up if the answer is no. If you're still unsure of your answer, then please speak up -- "I'm disappointed in/confused by/put off by your reaction" -- and hear him out.

I'll keep a good thought for your health.

Hi, Carolyn:

Can you explain what you think "intimacy" is? I think it's part trust, part openness, part honesty, part acceptance and part other stuff, but I'm hard-pressed to explain.

-- Anonymous

You named the pieces, so just fit them together: Intimacy is when two people are open and honest with each other, even about their less attractive sides; each loves and accepts the whole truth about the other, not just the highlights; and each trusts the other not to use this truth as a weapon.

E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

This content has passed through fivefilters.org.



image

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

Spielman Loses Battle With Cancer - ClickOnDetroit.com

Posted: 20 Nov 2009 05:07 PM PST

Images: Wild Police Chase

Van leads police on chase through several communities, crashes into several cars.

This content has passed through fivefilters.org.



image

Task force doctor stands by mammogram advice - WTOP

Posted: 19 Nov 2009 04:44 AM PST

WASHINGTON (AP) - A member of the independent panel whose new mammogram recommendations have led to confusion defended the task force's report, saying Thursday that it was based on the most up-to-date, accurate information available.

Dr. Timothy Wilt, a member of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, stuck by its recommendation that most women don't need mammograms in their 40s and should get one every two years starting at 50. The American Cancer Society's long-standing position has been that women should get annual cancer-screening mammograms starting at age 40.

The panel's recommendations "were based on the most rigorous peer review of up-to-date, accurate information about the evidence about the harms and benefits of treatment," Wilt said on ABC's "Good Morning America."

On Wednesday, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius tried to ease the furor that has erupted since the panel issued its recommendations Monday. She said the task force does "not set federal policy and they don't determine what services are covered by the federal government." She advised women to "keep doing what you've been doing for years _ talk to your doctor about your individual history, ask questions, and make the decision that is right for you."

Wilt did not take issue with Sebelius' statement. "Our recommendations support an individualized decision-making process," he said, and each woman still needs to talk with her doctor to make the most informed decision.

The recommendations from the task force have left women confused about whose advice to follow. And opponents of changing health care policy have criticized the new recommendations as an example of what could be expected from government-managed care.

Wilt denied accusations that the recommendations were made to help the government spend less on mammograms.

"Costs are not considered at all," he said.

The panel of doctors and scientists concluded that such early and frequent screenings often lead to false alarms and unneeded biopsies, without substantially improving odds of survival for women under 50.


(Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)

This content has passed through fivefilters.org.



image

Ex-Kiss drummer: Breast cancer not just for women - Biloxi Sun Herald

Posted: 18 Nov 2009 03:55 AM PST

'+'>'); } -->

SPRING LAKE, N.J. -- Former Kiss drummer Peter Criss is speaking out about his recent bout with breast cancer.

The rocker known as "Catman" is encouraging other men to get tested as soon as they suspect something might be wrong.

He says he didn't think it was possible for men to get breast cancer until he went to a doctor after finding a small lump on his left breast in 2007. He later learned that the cancer had been caught early enough that he wouldn't need chemotherapy, radiation or medication after the lump was surgically removed.

Dr. Alexander Swistel, who treated Criss, says the 63-year-old New Jersey resident is cancer-free today.

Criss says there shouldn't be any stigma attached to having the disease or seeking help for it. He's working on a new solo album and an autobiography.

Showing:

This content has passed through fivefilters.org.



image

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

Kathleen Parker column: Breast cancer screenings need to improve - Post-Crescent

Posted: 20 Nov 2009 05:11 AM PST

Calm. That's not a word one hears much these days, but calm is what some are urging in the wake of a new federal report on breast cancer screening.

♦ Post-Crescent's special health section.
♦ Click here to sign up for news, weather and sports text alerts.

Released Monday, the report has caused a stir with its recommendation that women in their 40s don't need annual mammograms and that self-exams no longer should be part of a doctor's instructions to female patients.

Instead, the report suggests, women 40-49 who are not in a high-risk group should wait until 50 to begin mammograms and then have them every other year.

This is surprising news to women who, for the past 30 years or so, have been urged to spend part of their shower reviewing their breast tissue and submitting annually to the vise otherwise known as a mammogram.

Is this yet another one of those eggs-are-good-for-you-eggs-are-bad-for-you routines? Which is it, please?

Meanwhile, the timing of the report in the midst of a health care reform debate about reducing medical costs has eyebrows raised. Under the proposed reform, the federal recommendations are to be used for setting standards for insurance coverage. Could the research be aimed at cutting costs at the expense of women's health?

While some cancer groups, including the American Cancer Society, have objected strenuously to the panel's recommendations, Susan G. Komen for the Cure, the worldwide advocacy organization, is aiming for a more measured — strategic — tone. It would be a mistake to overreact, says Eric Winer, Harvard oncologist and chief scientific adviser to the Komen group.

Instead, Nancy Brinker, Komen founder and the woman responsible for "pinking" the world, sees the report as yet another opportunity for activism. If current screening is imperfect, then why not make it better?

You don't get pink ribbons on everything from running shoes to electric mixers, after all, by going negative. Thus, Brinker, who recently bathed Egypt's pyramids in pink lights during one of Komen's 130 annual runs, sees the federal report as a good thing — a "clarion call" for funders, researchers and government to deliver a lower-cost, more-effective screening tool.

This content has passed through fivefilters.org.



image

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)